"some guys like 'em real stinky"

last night my friend and i ended up at a foot fetish party in the lower east side of manhattan.  i promised the owner i would keep the name of the club anonymous, so i will respect that.  now unfortuantely, because it was a wednesday night and i had planned to be at a dive bar, i was not exactly “foot fetish party” appropriate.  i had on ripped jeans, no pedicure and i had been wearing flip flops all day.  feet were not hot.  so i decided my friend should go into the VIP as my undercover agent and i would stay up front to get the scoop from the others.

we went to the bar across the street and cleaned her up, got her down to as little clothes as possible, and washed her feet in the bathroom sink.  we headed back and began our investigation.  the guys up front were far from attractive.  one guy who came up to talk to us was wearing one of those wolf shirts and a pair of narsty (yea i said narsty) sweatpants.  i, of course, had no time for his shenanigans, but the two eastern european “working girls” i was with were quick to make him feel like he was brad pitt.

working girl 1 – “oh what’s that on your shirt?”

narsty guy – “it’s a wolf”

working girls 1 & 2 – “OHHHH”

narsty guy – “but i really like tigers and black panthers the most”

working girls 1 & 2 – “oh yea”

narsty guy – “RRRRR” (makes a big cat roaring sound)

that was when i decided to move to a second group of girls, who were discussing how to make the most money from these guys.  the conversation was pretty standard (in the foot fetish financial world) until one of them started talking about the type of shoes she was wearing:

warren buffet foot fetish girl 1 – “yea, i didn’t even wear open toed shoes, so guys aren’t really knowing what to do”

warren buffet foot fetish girl 2 – “it doesn’t matter cause you’re so fucking hot”

warren buffet foot fetish girl 1 – “yea, but my feet are getting all sweaty and stuff”

warren buffet foot fetish girl 2 – “some guys like ‘em real stinky!”

warren buffet foot fetish girls 1 & 2 – BIG SIMULTANEOUS LAUGHS FROM BOTH

after these two encounters, i felt that i had learned all i needed to about the world of “footies” and decided it was time to go, but i realized my friend had still not come back so i sat around texting and entertaining myself.  when she finally returned there was a different look in her eyes.  MY UNDERCOVER AGENT HAD GONE ROGUE AND LET A MAN MASSAGE HER FEET!  I knew I had lost her.  so I said my goodbyes, told her to make that rent and jumped on the subway back home.

but of course this morning I got all the details:

- she only made $20, because she talks so much that she actually ended up befriending most of the men she encountered and didn’t work it like I told her she should.

- there were NBA stars in the club paying to lick women’s feet.  goes with my theory that the rich get bored easily and always have to find something new to turn them on.

- this party is every week, and men actually come from hundreds of miles a way to hook up with their same favorites every time.

- 10 minutes of “making love” to a foot = $20 (Seems like a bit of a rip off to me)

- those Craigslists ads asking for women with pretty feet…yea that’s probably the promoter of this party look for new girls to “put on the track”

- according to at least 3 of the men she encountered, including the creator of this party, my friend has some of the prettiest damn feet around.

i’ll admit, even though i don’t want a guy wearing a wolf t-shirt licking my foot for 10 minutes, i can think of worse ways to pay the bills.  i think my friend has officially become a fetish fan and will be returning to more parties and of course, i will have to join her.  i will come prepared next time though, a fresh pedi, a pair of kick ass open toed shoes, and some crisco.