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The following is a reprint with a few modifications of a segment I wrote for My Newsletter last year. Sadly, much of what was annoying last year did not improve this year. So, here’s hoping for more clarity and understanding this go ’round!
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Below are My responses to some of the audacities and atrocities (herein referred to as “duhs”) attempted in My Domain during this past year that those who have offended and attempted to offend Me are all in a huff-n-puff about now. Quite a few people have asked Me how I’ve dealt with such annoyances. I always try to find some amusement in “duhs”, so I hope that the following public service announcement offers you some amusement, too.
1. I am NOT the Fetish Police. For some reason, people complain to ME about their discomforts with events and other people they encounter in The Scene! Now, I have in the past, in the interests of seeing event promoters succeed, relayed concerns that were expressed to Me ~ namely, that the music was too loud, which seems to be an epidemic at nearly every event. However, far too many of these promoters have been ungrateful, stupidly thought I wanted to have some control over their events, and suffered from other ego-driven mania. So, if I attend an event that I do not enjoy, I will not attend that event again. If I do not enjoy the company of someone, I will no longer associate with that person.
Anyone else who has a problem with something or someone MUST address that problem on their own. If you want to discuss your discomforts with Me, you can Book a Classic Fetish™ Therapy session. Click HERE to read about Classic Fetish™ Therapy sessions (phone & webcam sessions available).
2. Because you have seen a person with Me at events, etc., does not mean that they can ride on My reputation. I have been astounded on too many occasions by people contacting Me to complain about someone they’d seen Me partying with who’d found a way to invade their spaces. Why did they not call Me BEFORE they allowed the annoyance? That would have made sense. To take a person at face value, thinking s/he was “cool” because s/he was “hanging out with Mistress Didi” ~ and I am quoting folks verbatim ~ and then calling Me to complain about the person’s despicable behaviors AFTER the fact is ANNOYING to Me. Just what do you think I’m going to do about it? If the person is not My sub or under My protection in some way, I have no need nor desire to get involved.
Just because someone has been SEEN with Me does not mean that I vouch for that person’s character. I understand that some people are good in your life for certain things and that’s where it ends. Hence My Motto: From each according to his abilities, to each according to My Desires. I suggest that people be more careful about who they let into their environments and why. And if you don’t see Me hanging out with the person any more, take that as a clue.
3. I am not responsible for the consequences of your actions. If you’ve asked for My advice and didn’t take it, don’t complain to Me, and definitely do not attempt to find fault with Me for your failures. You can Book a Classic Fetish™ Therapy session with Me to work through these issues towards successful resolutions. Whatever you do, understand that until you accept responsibility for your own actions, your life will continue “missing” fulfillment.
4. I punish liars, cheats, thieves, and other unscrupulous scoundrels. Do not steal from Me. This is almost too unbelievable and if it didn’t actually happen to Me, I would not believe it. Some stupid creature took one of My Workshops ~ and I have her on video tape trying out the techniques I’d just taught ~ and then she: 1) COPIED SEGMENTS FROM MY WEBSITE WORD FOR WORD and replaced My name with hers; 2) promoted on a few forums that she was teaching MY workshop for some group I’d never heard of; and 3) after people brought this to My attention and I told her that she could not use My trademarked property without My permission, she told Me that “this is a free country” and that if I didn’t want people to use My work that I shouldn’t put it on the internet. Yes, she is that stupid.
It gets better. I contacted the group she promoted doing the workshop for and their response to Me was that they knew her and didn’t know Me, so as far as they were concerned, I could have stolen the work from her. Yes, they are that stupid, too.
I wasted no time in contacting the forum boards and her website and the group’s website hosting services with proof of her plagiarism and the responses I received from both parties. Within 48 hours, the forums had removed her and the group’s accounts and both her website and the group’s websites were shut down for “violation of terms of service”. There are currently no traces of these people. If I have any further aggravations from them of any kind, I will punish them to the full extent of the law and beyond. I am very appreciative of those wonderful people who continue to watch and look out for Me.
A few days later, a Domme I knew from My fun days on the West Coast sent Me an email that was sent to Her from a couple requesting to serve Her. The photo they’d included of themselves was actually a photo that was taken of Me and someone at a party. These people had actually smudged the watermark that I place on all of My photos! This is a form of identity theft. (By the way, this wonderful Domme is handling things quite deliciously.)
Plagiarism and identity theft are crimes that are punishable by law and should, in My opinion, be punishable by death. Please do not ask Me about particulars; I will not speak on these violations further unless it is necessary.
5. Do not abuse My kindness or confuse it for weakness. Get your ego in check. I have been generous to a fault because I know how wonderful Fetish is when you can balance it into your life with the proper respect for your circumstances. I have unselfishly given (to quite a few people) My advice, tutelage, and support to boost their self-esteem and assist them on their Paths of Fetish Evolution. I had never met many of these people, or heard of them before they contacted Me for help. I gave My care and consideration as a gift; I was not looking for tribute, which is a good thing because the selfish have yet to offer anything. For too many, My generosity will never be enough and they have become belligerent with “demands”. I cut them off from My Domain and Energies completely.
It seems that the growing epidemic of “entitlement” is going to get people into a lot of trouble because now some folks believe their own “fetish stories” and think they can invade My Domain and be disrespectful to Me. Typical of those who identify with their lower, animalistic qualities, they want to challenge the Leader for the pretense of their dominance.
Here is the last advice I am going to give to these people: 1) I was here before you; 2) you admired Me and came to Me for help – not the other way around; 3) I was generous and genuinely wanted to see you happy; and 4) as soon as you started to feel better about the loser you chose to be, you lost your mind along the way and are carried away with your ego. Remember, the ego is a façade ~ sooner than later, your real truth will come out and bite you hard on the a##.
I will do nothing to you nor for you; you will create your own lessons from here on. I wish you well. Because I am kind, when your walls come tumbling down, I won’t say I told you so.
6. There’s a reason I look like My photos. Learn from and be inspired by Me instead of being jealous of Me. This has been a year of sneers, jeers, and ugliness from those who consider themselves My peers. If they were truly on My level, they would know that the first rule of Dominance is Self-Love, Self-Discipline and Self-Care.
If you love yourself, you can love and see the beauty in others and never have a need to feel jealousy in any form. Loving yourself involves taking the time to educate yourself in proper physical, mental, and spiritual wellness. I work on this every day and I support everyone who works on being the best they can be. It’s hard work most of the time, but life is about learning these lessons and overcoming the hurdles. So, don’t be a hater, be an appreciator! (You have to say that with a bit of a hip-hop accent to make it rhyme!)
7. NEVER try to Domme The Domme. Silly people think that because I tell them something they believe to be private about My life, that they know all about Me and that We’re “friends”. I tell what I want to be known for My purposes and for the safety of everyone involved ~ we’ll leave it at that. I am The Party Domme and I have a gift of making people (who are not jealous) feel comfortable around Me. For the sake of “a good time”, I may even briefly listen to people talk all kinds of crap and let them think I don’t know better.
Unfortunately, they then choose to believe that they are smarter than I am. Next thing you know, they’re trying to manipulate their “reindeer games” and they get all upset ~ as if I’m Satan for not allowing them to have their way in MY Domain. Temper tantrums, attempts to disparage Me, social disgraces, do not work because I do not care. No matter what, the intruder NEVER gets the desired coup. In other words, it becomes apparent that they do not matter to Me at all. I may have My moment to release My annoyance of their breathing valuable oxygen, but then, I let it and them go with well-wishes. I remain secure in My Domain.
Note: Friendship is earned and I take it VERY seriously. I offer My friendship with a true heart and you have to do something truly horrible for Me to remove My love from your life. Everyone gets the 3-strikes-you’re-out-rule; some people have received many more strikes and still have not appreciated them. Those who betray My friendship always suffer guilt, sleeplessness, and never experience true contentment for the rest of their lives. I am forgiving, but those who have no remorse for their offenses will never be able to forgive themselves. And with their dying breaths, they will regret their betrayals of Me. And so it is. That’s karma and why I don’t waste My time with revenge ~ I prefer to be out shoe shopping.
8. The pretense of racist unawareness/stupidity/false-humor will be countered with a racist wake-up call. In a previous newsletter, I mentioned the astounding bad manners and insults of “friends” who have known Me long enough to know better than to insinuate that I would only vote for Obama because he is Black and who called Me on election day to convince Me NOT to vote for him. Well, there seems to be an increase in racial stupidity all around. Just last week, I attended a cocktail party where some little idiot from Idaho told Me she lived around the corner from Me but ~ and I quote her: “the neighborhood is not white enough for me.” As they (those suffering from entitlement issues, lack of exposure to other cultures, and refusal to think about learning beyond what they already know. “these people” come in all sizes, shapes and colors) always do, she gave a little laugh, said, “no offense, but…” and went on to say that she didn’t like living where the restaurants were only bad Chinese food and Mexican food. Why didn’t she just say that in the first place? (And, of course, she had to add that she voted for Obama.)
My theory is that these people think that everyone else is here to accommodate them and wants to be like them. So, they don’t even think about possibly being offensive when they feel comfortable to come up in My beautiful, brown face and say whatever the hell they want to ~ and I’m supposed to agree with them. If I don’t agree, then, I’m being too sensitive or I’m the angry-Black-woman-stereotype. It’s not difficult to understand why I would be angry.
Because I would not disrespect the hostess, I simply asked little-miss-middle-america when she planned to move and did not offer her a ride home or tell her where the good restaurants are. I chose not to say something that would allow her to be as offended by Me as she was offensive to Me ~ like, “Oh, you’re moving in 3 months? Then the neighborhood will be a little less white for Me.” I’m sure that would have given her a similar slap to what her statement could have been had a lifetime of experience not taught Me to expect this behavior from these people.
However, that is not My truth. I prefer living in a mixed neighborhood because everything is more interesting, just like My family. In fact, My neighborhood has a mosaic of people from different countries, races and religions, just like My family ~ that’s the REAL New York City ~ not what you see on TV shows like Seinfeld and Friends. I pity people like her who suffer from the kind of color blindness where they need to see no People of Color around them.
I am tired of taking the high road with “low-lives” (meaning those who choose to operate on the lowest levels of consciousness). Every time I recount one of these stories – and there are always stories like this – to My human friends (who also come in all sizes, shapes and colors), they are mortified that 1) someone could be so incredibly unaware of their insensitivity, 2) someone would feel justified to say such stupidity to Me, and 3) social grace and home training are dying out in Our communities.
So, for 2010, I advise people to take a moment to THINK before you open your mouth and stick your foot in it.
9. I will no longer be polite about stupid gifts that are given to Me. This is the time of year when folks want to believe they are better people by purchasing things that represent their “caring” for others. I have, so far, received some magnificent gifts and My favorite tidings are donations to My Charities.
Last year, I got the stupidest gift I’d ever received: a 4-foot, ugly, cheapo, stuffed animal – I think it was supposed to be a gorilla. Now, let’s think, shall We? I live in a New York City apartment = small, not enough closet space, and I am always complaining about where to store My shoes. This incredibly ugly, child’s toy was probably a county-fair-prize won for ring-toss or something and the giver couldn’t get rid of it. he figured he could solve two problems at once and get rid of this eyesore while pretending to himself that since he was giving Me a gift, I should think well of him.
For the first time in My life, I gave an honest reaction to receiving a stupid gift. I was raised to be polite and to believe that it’s the thought that counts, but I have finally reached My limit with the practice of that philosophy. To give Me such a useless, impractical, monstrosity prompted Me to say, “What is this ugly thing and why are you trying to pawn it off on Me? you can’t possibly think I could want or use this in any way. Why did you NOT look at My Tribute Page and choose something on it? I have gifts that I’d like in all price ranges to fit everyone’s budget!” Because I am a kind Sadist, I saved him by not allowing him to answer, which would have further annoyed Me. I told him that it could be donated to a toy drive and I was embarrassed to donate such a monstrosity. However, children can get excited over the silliest things. I just hope it doesn’t scare some poor, little kid and give it nightmares…
The purpose of a gift is to offer something that the receiver will like, be able to use, need, and combinations of any of these qualities. To give something that you want someone to have is a selfish gift and not done in the true sense of giving. I go out of My way to give good gifts because I care.
So, if you really want to give Me a gift, please SEE MY TRIBUTE PAGE so that We can both enjoy the beauty of your giving!
10. More people need to learn what giving means; follow My lead. I offer demos for free. I respond to emails from people requesting advice who have never even met Me for free (I may have to put a stop to that, as I’ve been overwhelmed with hundreds of emails on a regular basis). I offer tons of resources on My websites and participate on too many social networking sites. Why? Because I am a giver and enjoy sharing with the Community so We can all move forward towards happiness. All that is required in return is respect.
I am even offering a FREE eBook to improve relations in The Fetish Community ~ How To Properly Present yourself To A Mistress is a GIFT for Dominants and submissives alike!
However, there are too many ungrateful strays that I’ve taken pity on who think that because I have been kind enough to allow them anything in and/or from My Domain, that 1) they can dictate how they will behave in My Domain; 2) they can try to pull that “brat” behavior they manipulate their mothers with to attempt to force their desires to become reality; and this may be the worst of all, 3) they think that because they bought one, measly drink for Me at an event that I now owe them something. idiots.
This leads to “duh” #11:
11. READ My Website ~ especially before requesting to serve Me or attending any of My events. The reason that I have (and anyone with a website has) taken the time to write things down and present them so nicely on the internet is so that people will know what to expect and what is expected. Don’t be so lazy and just look at the photos. Everything you need to know is on My Website.
12. No, male doms, NOT every woman ~ ESPECIALLY ME ~ secretly wants to sub to you, especially you. RESPECT the fact that your fantasy will NEVER become My reality. It would really be good for you to stop being the proof for the reasons I am a Female Supremacist.
Having said all of that, Happy Holidays, everyone! We Will Thrive Again in 2010!

[Via http://mistressdidi.wordpress.com]